So shit has gotten a little tense around the Free Market recently. I found out just the other night that apparently PaKaSo is super depressed. She was hiding it pretty good but she finally let it spill in her last post. I've been going out of my way to spend more time with her than I have been recently. I'm getting the sense she needs the company and Navi, a girl that can't even see her, isn't quite cutting it. I'm sure I'm not either. She still finds the mute thing annoying and off putting.
And of course this happened. Lord Goddess, or Nat, freaked out a little and isn't talking to Sloth anymore. Which is a big deal because Nat's main duty seems to be playing bodyguard to Sloth. And to make things even more awkward and tense, there are pretty heavy rumors about people in the compound gearing up to kill Sloth while Nat's not around. They don't call him the Lord Betrayer for nothing. A lot of people are not okay with him being in charge.
Its weird. Nat backed Sloth and couldn't understand why everyone else didn't hate Fracture. But the reality of the Free Market political situation is every one was backing Fracture until he abruptly left and everyone here hates the shit out of Sloth. I think that's irony but I could be wrong. Probably miss using the word...
While we're on the topic of Nat, something weird happened earlier this week. I think it might have something to do with why Nat is so angry.
So I was in my room reading and minding my own business. I'm going to be a sacrifice eventually so I want to make sure I finish all the book series I've started. I can't very well read them once I've dead. Morbid thoughts aside, I was just chilling.
Then Nat threw my door open. She was furious. She started calling me names and demanded to know what I was thinking with all this sacrifice crap. I tried to do that thing Masks are so well know for and just stared at her until she finished the conversation on her own at me or got so frustrated with my refusal to respond that she stomped her feet and stormed out. Neither happened.
She just kept insulting away and demanding an explanation. It was making it hard to read so I finally caved and pulled out a notepad. I used it to write out responses to her.
She demanded to know why I was so eager to die. Why it had to be me when it could be anyone.
I quietly wrote out a whole explanation about how it didn't have to be but that I wanted it to be me because I knew I was worthy of it. That it was the highest honor to be the sacrifice. That it was an honor Duckie wanted but can never get now that hes dead and that I wanted it to show that fucker up forever. That for the fate of the world, the right kind of person had to be sacrificed and even though it didn't have to be me, I wanted it to be me so I could ensure it was done right.
None of these explanations seemed to satisfy her. In fact, each one seemed to make her madder and madder. By the end she was fuming.
Her childish retort was to question my strength, convinced I was far from the strongest and thus it would not and should not be me. I didn't take that lying down. I jumped to my feet and took a stance. She took a stance in kind and we fought and I beat her ass.
I took her down to a pin. My strength seemed to confuse her so I wrote out a quick note to reaffirm what I already knew.
'I'm sorry but this is happening,' I wrote out on the floor beside her for her to read.
She huffed and sucker punched me in the face, cracking my mask, and then ran out of the room. It looked like she was about to cry. It was a little hard to take.
But I took a deep breath and climbed back onto my bed to relax, recover, and read.
And this is where things get weird.
That's when Nat walked in. She looked around confused for a moment before realizing she had apparently wandered into the wrong room. I guess she was looking for Lord Devil or something. She turned to leave but then stopped herself.
"Hmmm.... well, maybe we should talk," she said.
I found that extremely confusing. 'We just talked. I'm not about the change my mind.'
"... What are talking about?"
So I showed her the notepad I had filled with my half of the conversation which seemed to weird her out.
"We haven't talked today Moth..."
That can't be right.
'You punched me so hard on your way out, you cracked my mask.'
"... Your mask is fine. Not a crack on it... are you okay."
I just stared at her. Something was wrong but I had no idea what.
'I... I'm fine. Maybe I just dozed off and dreamt all that... I guess.'
"Riiiiggggghhhhtttt...." she said looking concerned.
'Did you need something?'
"Yeah, right. Well, looking at this I seem to agree with your dream. I don't think you should go through with the ritual."
Here we go again I thought to myself.
'Why the hell not?'
"For PaKaSo's sake. I don't think she can stand to lose anyone right now."
That one actually gave me pause.
'... Shes strong... she'll manage.'
'I know she will... just do me a favor. Look out for her for me... make sure she doesn't accidentally kill Navi or something.'
"Me and her aren't exactly close and shes not one of mine. Shes not a mask."
'You're supposed to be friends aren't you?'
"I don't think she sees it that way."
'Doesn't matter. For me.'
"Fine I... I guess I'll try."
"You got it. Have fun with your hallucinations."
It occurred to me sometime after that just how dangerous I really am. I talked to Nat later and confirmed that the second Nat I met was the real one. She remembered our conversation. Which means the first Nat, the one I argued with and fought with, wasn't there.
I was throwing punches and beating the shit out of nothing. Which is awkward because I was still sore from the fight afterwards. But just imagine if someone had walked in on that. I could have accidentally smashed their face in.
So as much as I want to spend my remaining days with Picasso... I can't risk it. I might hurt someone. So I decided today I'm leaving. At least for a little while until I can figure out if something like that is going to happen again or not. Sorry Picasso... this is something I have to do. I should be back before too long. Take care everyone.