While I Was Sleeping

I had a weird hallucination the other day.

I wasn't gonna bother mentioning it. I don't mention the weirder ones... I guess because they make me feel extra crazy. I don't think these things I see are constructs of my mind or imagination. I don't know what they are but it always feels like there's a lot going on and I'm missing a large piece of the puzzle. When I do try to interact I always seem to get shunned. Told to 'get back to work'. Its frustrating. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do...

Anyways, this particular delusion seems to almost relate to this so I decided I'd throw it up. Why the fuck not right? I'm assuming that post refers to one of Sloth's weird ass dreams. He wasn't kind enough to say so at the beginning of the post like he usually does. Its weird. We both use to get weird vivid dreams. I wonder if Sloth was a candidate for sacrifice at one point?

I envy him now... that feels weird to say because hes kind of a terrible shithead. But this experience has not been what I was expecting... I don't quite know what I was expecting anymore.

Just... not this. This is just kind of weird.

Anyways, before I get into this since I've already mentioned them, I'd like to quickly congratulate Nat and Sloth and the others for putting Jen down. The lord Fire was quite the jaded. I don't think I'll miss her. The Free Market certainly wouldn't have been any better off in her hands than in Sloths. They're both unfit as far as I'm concerned. But again, congratulations.

And now, my weird hallucination.





 I was in a cafe. I thought it'd be a nice quiet little place to... just relax. I spend a lot of time in libraries these days trying to find a useful book or something. I'm hoping such a book might help me figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing. I'd try the web but a lot of the information on supernatural shit you find there is really iffy. Not that books are exactly guaranteed to be accurate. But at least publishing a book that happens to also be a crock of shit requires effort. Literally anyone can do that online and for no cost and almost no effort.

Besides... I'm hoping one of these days I might tumble down the into the Old Man's library. 'Zeus' as Fracture likes to call him. God, when hes being facetious. Did you know Fracture has a theory that most of the fears draw root in mythology? He lost me at black dog being Fenrir. That feels very forced. I don't think there's anything to really support that. But now I'm rambling. I'm hoping to find the Catacombs and get access to the Blind Man's books. Those might have actual answers to help me find what I'm looking for.

... Super long tangent in hindsight. The relevant take away here is I've been been spending a lot of time in libraries so a cafe was a nice place to get away from that. A pleasant change in scenery... a place that just didn't feel like work... library feel like work... really no reason to go to them if I'm not searching. Feel like I'm wasting time.

Anyways, I was relaxing at a cafe when it started. I looked up from my little doodle to find I wasn't alone at the table anymore. Across from me sat three little girls. One with a wicked grin and bright red crimson hair and a bright green eye with tiny little white wings at her back dressed in all red.

In the middle was a blonde girl with short messy hair and a pale sky blue eye dressed in all white with broken full sized angel wings at her back. And by broken, I mean it looked like someone took an baseball bat to them. She looks very sad and was picking at a bowl of ice cream

And on the other side her, sat a black girl. She was in a full black cloak so I couldn't see her hair as well as the others but it seemed to be black in color. What little was showing was in dreadlocks. Her eye color was brown and her wings were featherless and fleshless. It was just the skeletal structure. She had a disinterest and stoic look about her.

Its worth noting that they each only had one eye.

"You know its your own fault."

"I don't see how it could possibly be my fault!"

"We keep telling you exactly how its going to end for you each time you try this shit but you never listen. You should just play your roll but nooooo. Miss pissy pants needs her revenge."

"But why should it end poorly for me? Huh? Hes the one in the wrong. He had me killed. Its only fair that I should return the favor! Is there to be no justice?"

"That's not justice and you know. You hadn't even been born at the time. He's well into his life each time you come at him."

"That's when I come at him because that's the point in his life when it matters."

"It pains me that you're supposed to be in charge of balance..."

"Oh shut it. I decide balance and I decide this is fair."

"That is why you keep failing."

"That is why you 'go fuck yourself'."

"My, that's really something I would have expected from... well me."

"My point exactly."

"Shut up. This isn't over yet. Use the eye again. I haven't died yet. I can still get him!"

"You won't like what we see. You already know that."

"We will surely predict your failure... again... and it'll be your own fault."

"Our sight isn't final... If I know whats gonna happen I can change it... It'll actually change in my favor this time. I can feel it."

"You pain me," she said, pulling out a small cataract covered eye from her pocket.

I heard someone behind me. "Psst. You should grab that."

"I want to look this time. You did it last time."

"... Fine."

When the black angel when to throw the eye to the red angel I reached up and grabbed it mid-flight.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Hes kind of cute."

"Of course you think that. But who is he? How long has he been there?"

"No idea. Hey cutey, you come here often?"

"That's not what I meant. Hey dip shit, hey long have you been listening in?"

"Oh hey, yeah. How can you see us?"

"I think hes one of mine... the traveler must have let him in."

"This is not what I need right now."

"What you need is a slap... but agreed. Child, give me the eye," she said with a glare, standing up and growing many feet taller. Her face melting away to just bone and her hand raising to reveal and impressive scythe.

"Don't," whispered the voice behind me.

"No...?"

At that, Death immediately shrank down to child size, face and all.

"Shit, he called your bluff."

"They never do that..."

The red one stood and leaned over to look behind me. "I think the traveler is behind him whispering answers."

"That cock sucker."

"You know that's really not an insult."

"... Its degrading."

"Its fun."

"We're not having that argument again."

"You're both a bunch of prudes."

"You're just a slut."

"At least she is acting appropriately for her station."

"I thought you said we weren't having this argument."

"Whatever."

"Listen dip shit-"

"She said re-adopting the real insult."

"-... Bitch. Listen dip shit, we need that eye back. What the fuck do you want. We help you, you give us the eye back, or I get to eat your brain, the happy one gets to eat your heart, and the boney bitch gets to feed on your liver. Understand?"

At this point, the person behind me reached over and nodded my head for me.

"Hey traveler."

"Hey girls."

"Fuck you."

"Mature."

"Enough."

"Yeah. What the fuck do you want?"

"... To know what I need to do."

"Okay... how vague. Whatever. You're stuck with that question now."

And with that, all three of them stood up aging slowly until all of their hair turned gray and their eyes cataracted over like the eye I was holding up in front of them. Their skin turned sickly pale and receded giving all of them a bony look.... like old hags I guess. They looked like ancient old ladies.

"Let go of this image you hold for your predecessors. These attachments weigh you down and slow your journey. Your mentor may have put you this path, but if you can not find cause enough to finish it for yourself then I see you will fail and forfeit all other causes as death takes the reign of this world. Find me for their sake."

"Do not look to these visions for guidance. Ignore these sights and sounds. They aren't what they seem. Not wisdom or simple dreams. Can't you hear their screams? The endless screeching hoard scratching at the walls, desperate for this earth? Find the door! Seal the gate!"

"What you need is in the apple, guarded by the lake-," the two of them spoke at once.

But before they could finish talking the last hag threw her hands over their mouths and then tossed them both aside as the room slowly filled with a foggy, smoky blackness.

"Settle down. Relax. You needed make much haste. What point is there to short, simple lives if you never stop to make waste. Your death is fast enclosing in this silly quest you chase. You should go down quietly and love what little life you and the others have left. Continue to struggle and make mess, you'll only make an ugly corpse..."

"You done?"

"God I hope she is."

"I hate when she gets like this."

"Go on boy, give her back the eye."

I tossed the scary death hag the eye. To my dismay, she did not shrink back to a child.

"Any advice to give the poor thing, traveler?"

"Nothing as fancy as what you lot said."

"Spill it, I'm tired of his face."

I turned around to see the other two hags standing on either side of a pale man, in white robes, with long white hair, and deep blue eyes.

"Fracture?"

"Get back to work!"

And with that, I was back at my table again.

Just more weird gibberish.

It's Seeds

So I'm alive... been seeing... crazy shit.

Just about none stop really. I saw Fracture get gunned down yesterday as he shouted "Get back to work".

Watched Nat slit her own throat and gag on her own blood as she gurgled up the words I have to assume were, "Get back to work". I couldn't tell really but pattern recognition is a thing.

I walked in on Picasso having an orgy with Navi, Vallus, Ralph, Sam, Sloth, Jen, John, Fracture, Ivan, Duckie, and about five other people I didn't recognize and when I tried to join in they all shouted 'Get back to work' at me at once. Curiously Nat was there too. Apparently the same Nat that had slit her throat... it was still slit. Have to wonder in what way those two visions are related to each other. You think other visions might be related? Could have been a coincidence I guess. Probably should have memorized what outfit she was wearing...

Rambling.

Also had a vision where I met me. I didn't really have to say anything to me. He... I, nodded at me and I knew what he wanted to say.

Or... No I would have known if that was a mirror.... right?

Did happen in the bathroom...

I... wish I could sleep more.

It just hasn't been coming to me. I think maybe living in the loop was masking that... I shouldn't have left... I don't think. Not before I figured out what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing.

Its been so much harder to think.

That last fucking vision. He stabbed me. Ivan fucking stabbed me. He jumped out of the closet in a fucking frenzy! Slashing and screaming.

I told him to stop. Demanded it... begged... Kind of. The fucker just grinned and started singing.

"For the fire, prove your might. Stand up and fight for all your life. Passion drive us, hope will find us, fate will bind us, but I fire will fry us~!"

He dug that knife of his deep into my shoulder and started twisting the fucking knife. I shoved him off and when he came back at me in full force I shoved my wrist through his nose and the front of his fucking face.

He gasped... started bleeding profusely from his face as he fell on back onto the floor.

I waited... I waited so long. I knew it wasn't real...

I mean... how could it be? Ivan was my friend. I mean, I know he was a Fire Cultists and in a lot of ways they are the enemy right now. But Ivan knew me... knew me personally. Trained me... he wouldn't... right?

I tried to move over to him and I almost collapsed from the exhaustion. I put a hand where the knife was.

...It was still real too. The wound and the blood loss. I... I'm dying? We. We're dying?! That fucker. How could he do this to me?!

I fumbled a bit in my pockets to get my phone out. Even more to dial in Fracture's number

"What the fuck do you want? I'm busy."

"I.... I'm bleeding out."

... And he hung up. About five minutes later he was there.

He didn't say anything at first. Just dug pulled the knife out... stopped the bleeding. Stitched me up. Whipped the blood from my face.

After giving me a reassuring look... we turned our attention to Ivan.

"What happened?" asked Fracture. "... Was it Ivan?"

He turned back to me... I looked away and nodded. "H-He wouldn't stop. I didn't think he was real. I-I'm s-"

I didn't get to finish that thought before he shushed me. "Its okay... Do you hear me Moth? Its okay. He was attacking you... you did what you had to do," and then he hopped over to check on Ivan to see if he was actually dead or not... had a pretty good sense that he was.

"Wh-What do we do now?" I asked.

Fracture looked up at me and gave me a huge unnatural grin, the corners of his lips reaching up to his fucking ears and revealing his teeth.... his warped yellowed and twisted fucking teeth.

"Isn't that obvious, Cornelius?" he asked as his eyes bulged and his turned black.

"Its time to get back to work!" He declared.

I blinked... and suddenly both Ivan and.... /Fracture/ were gone. As was all the mess and all the blood. Everything was normal again... only it was still dark outside.

I made the mistake of reaching for my phone to fast and found I still had stitches and a fresh wound. Even now that's still not gone away. Seems my calling Fracture never happened though, at least according to my phone.

Not 100% sure what actually cut... or what actually stitch me up. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore.

Moth out.

Left

Fire rained overhead... That wicked howl. I could hear them coming for me, charging at full speed down the halls in frantic search for the direction I was running in.

The halls felt like a maze. Honestly, they had become a maze. That happens when one floor collapses into the floor below, apparently. Wall ripped open, walk ways blocked, debris littering everything and making the halls a hard to navigate obstacle course. Everything so conveniently still intact and traversable. I myself, having conveniently survived the transition of two floors becoming one, something I've actually seen claim a life in my time... gruesome way to go... and probably a next to impossible thing to survive. I don't even entirely remember what I'm running from or why... I heard the howl and instinct kicked in.

This isn't real... fuck. Tired of all these fucking hallucinations.

I stopped to catch by breath. That's when the beast slammed into the wall behind me, going too fast to stop itself apparently.

Big teeth, long claws, wide eyes, and a misshapen skull and body... a Rakeling? No. It was too big to be a feral... wasn't it?

I didn't get long to question it before it charged full speed at me. I barely dove out of the way. It was spinning around for another pass at me and came to a stop with it's back turned to a new figure as it was coming out a door. This new figure pulled a gun and put the rakeling down with one bullet to the back of the head.

I ran over to the figure. "Oh thank god!"

I was stopped as the figure threw a hand out and grabbed me by the throat, pressing me to the wall.

"Just what the fuck are you doing here?" demanded the rough figure. I recognized them now. It was the blonde girl again. She didn't look small anymore. She was all grown up with an eye patch over one eye, still in a lab coat though. She looked furious. "You're not supposed to be here!" she screamed at me and threw me down the hall. I watched as four more rakelings appeared down the other end of the hall. She huffed and turned her back to me, pulling a shot gun from off her back as she cocked and fired it at the group to wound them as they charged for him.

"Get back to work!" she yelled. I wanted to stop and help... but I took the hint. I turned and ran. I looked over my shoulder before turning the corner to see how she was holding up. She was still cocking and firing the gun in a frenzy before the gun stopped firing. Out of ammo... With a huff, she let the gun drop to the floor.

"I'm sorry," she said, taking a moment to pull off and throw her eye patch aside before the rakelings dog piled on her... I couldn't stand to watch any further than that. So I closed my eyes and started running forward again... that's when I hit my door.

I looked around to find I was in my room again... I could hear creaking in the hall. A lot of it coming from both sides. "Shhhh...." said someone further down. I checked my phone, it was late. Very late. Someone was trying to sneak up on me in bed... I think. The creaking certainly seemed to be getting louder from both sides of the hall.

After the ass kicking that wimp Sloth gave me, I was rearing for a good fight were I wouldn't get sucker punched... but that fucking vision... beasts rushing me to come dog pile me.

Maybe it was paranoia but I got the sense I couldn't win this fight and if I stopped to meet the threat head on I'd get over powered... so I set up a claymore mine real quick and tied the string to door so it'll go off when they pull it open. I keep one in my room. I meant to use it against Fracture but Picasso had her little break down when we weren't in the loop so I never got a chance... The collateral on those things can be nasty. Probably was for the best I had it now, to use in a loop where no one would actually get hurt. Where Sloth, Nat, and Devil can come investigate and see what all I caught in this trap.

Because this just happened like 20 minutes ago. If you assholes act fast, you can catch whoever is in my room right now. For extra measure, I'm gonna start calling when I'm done putting this up. I'm long gone though. The Free Market loop is not safe and my life is too precious to waste on this petty little fight between Jen and Sloth. If I die now, I'll never get to be the sacrifice.

Have to pull through. Everything depends on this

I don't know where I'm going, but it can't be any worse then where I was.

I've been told to get back to work in a few visions now. I thought they meant stop hallucinating... starting to think that might have been more literal. I need to figure out what I'm actually supposed to be doing and go fucking do it... before I completely lose my grasp on whats real. Each vision has been longer and more vivid. I'm afraid before too long I might accidentally hurt myself or someone else... this is probably for the best for more than one reason.

Moth out.

Softly Creeping

Had a peculiar run in today. Hmm... that doesn't mean much coming from me huh?

Well this was different.

And I think it had everything to do with this and this.

To be less cryptic about it... I had a run in with Sloth.

See I was on a little stroll. Our loop has more rooms and halls than it has people who use them so there is plenty of room to just walk out and wander as long as you don't get yourself turned around and lost. Even if I did get lost, I'm a proxy. Give me a door and I'll Path to somewhere familiar... admittedly as a last resort. That is not a fun place. I mean, its not as bad now that Picasso isn't around. I don't know why but she really draws in denizens.

Anyways, I was on a stroll when I heard foot steps behind me. So I stopped. And they stopped... and then moved. When I turned around no one was there.

"... Hello?" I asked, pulling out a knife. Could be a Fire Cultist maybe. Wouldn't put it past them to sneak into the home loop to start shit. Probably camping out in the excess part of the loop. Never know what you'll find out here...

I approached slowly only to flip around to the sound of a loud pop noise behind me. That's when I got tackled and forced into a choke hold from behind. Between the panic and struggling, I didn't realize who it was at first until they spoke.

"Where is he?" Sloth asked, as I gasped for breath. He didn't let go until I was good and winded. At which point I was disarmed. Also tied my hands behind my back because fuck me right?

"Where is he?" Sloth repeated sounding more impatient. Great. Another hallucination.

I just stared Sloth down, not amused and certainly not scared. I can't really imagine any version of Sloth that isn't a spineless pansy. Or I couldn't. He grabbed me by the hair and bashed my head back against the wall. Everything went dizzy and sounded distant for a moment. I could hear him repeat that fucking question.

"Where is he?"

I spit up at him, spinning though he was, as I tried to get my bearings on which way was up.

"I know you can talk. Your vow is no more," he said putting his hand on my jaw and pinching into my cheeks. "Spit it out," he said glaring.

"Where is who?" I asked glaring back.

"Smith," he said with an uncharacteristic hiss. I felt myself go pale. "He never showed me but he actually trusted you," he said pressing my face against the wall and leaning in to whisper in my ear. "You're going to tell me or I'm gonna spend the next few days bashing your head into paste against the wall until you spill."

I was about ready for this hallucination to be over by this point and, while I knew it wouldn't be real, it would still hurt like hell to get my skull bashed in so rather than suffer unnecessary pain I just told him how to find Smith. Whatever right? I mean, I'm not about to share that information here. Fracture would kill me... he might still kill me...

Once I told Sloth he let me go. Patted my on the cheek and said, "Good boy," and then strolled off like the classy asshole he is. And I sat there and waited on my own, hands still tied behind my back, expecting everything to snap back into place and let me know that the hallucination is over... I waited there for a good long while... probably over an hour until I realized I wasn't hallucinating. Things weren't gonna snap back. This was real.

I forced myself carefully to my feet and wandered around the halls for another hour or two until I finally found myself back in the part of the loop we actually use. I kicked open Devil's door.

She seemed amused. "What? No hello first? Not even a knock?" she teased coming over.

"You okay?" she said noting the bruises and the rope. "Looks like someone found themselves a rough partner. Couldn't be bothered to untie you though huh? Rude," she said cutting me free.

"Is this real?" I asked

She kissed me. "Did that feel real?" she asked me in response.

"... Felt dreamy," I joked.

"Here I thought talking would ruin you," she grinned.

And we went on like that for a little bit. I don't care to say much if I can help it though... still feels wrong. So she sat me down and told me to write out what's wrong while she got us some food... I decided to write it out as a blog post. Why not right?

So that's what happened... or didn't happen. Still not entirely sure...

Worried I might have just given Smith up to Sloth. Scared of what he might do with that information...

I mean, if he felt so inclined to force the answers out of me he must have something already in mind... and I don't trust that dip shit with that kind of power at his finger tips. Especially as aggressive as he was acting.

Its all very... concerning.

Moth out.

A Vision

You always feel naked afterward. You know?

I guess you wouldn't.

It makes a lot more sense in hindsight why maskless would seer pieces of mask to their faces. I mean, in a lot of circles that meant you were a traitor. That at one point you were a proxy and you did something and are no longer to be trusted... or you were a runner that got caught playing pretend. Always assholes blurring those lines.

Having mask pieces stuck to your face like that would, in theory at least, make runners hesitant to help you. In general, it just made you stand out in a crowd. Couldn't even unmask to blend if you had to. So it was supposed to be an all around bad thing.

But those assholes did it anyways... and they did it proudly. And I always took that as a middle finger to the Mask cult. And why wouldn't it be? They were our counter movement after all. Masks that had broken or abandoned their own, retired, or been swayed by the fire cult to chase cheap thrill and petty short lived passion.

But having been unmasked myself recently I don't think it was a middle finger at all. I'm sure they knew the Masks would take it like that. I'm sure it was a perk. But now I think it had more to do with them feeling like I do now. Naked.

I'd do just about anything now to have my mask back so that I could just feel comfortable enough to go outside... fortunately my pride keeps getting the best of me.

Rest assured, my face is still intact.

I wonder how the defectors are fairing without their masks? I wonder if they're still wearing them? I wonder if they readopted the old maskless rite and are burning the pieces into the faces. Or maybe they just stopped wearing them. Hard to say. I mean, I would assume fire bitch would have made them break their own masks as a condition of their joining. Would be pretty typical of the Fire cult.

If she was smart she'd just let keep their masks. They'll function better with them on.

(And that's when it started. One moment I'm musing in my room, sitting in front of a computer and writing out my thoughts and feelings... next I'm sitting on a ledge of a roof top looking out at the cityscape as the sun slowly sets in the distance... everything is so orange.)

"They'll get use to it either way though," said a gruff voice as a figure came up on my left and sat down beside me on the ledge. "Just takes some time. I mean look at us. We both did it," they continued as they dangled their feet over the ledge playfully with a short chuckle. "I mean, if I can do it anyone can. God knows I never use to take that thing off. Not even to wash."

They were in their late teens and were slim with ruff long raggedy hair... maybe lean is the better word. They were toned. What little exposed flesh I could see showed patterns of scarring... with the exception of their face. Their face only had the one scar just above and just under the eye. I'm assuming it was one big scar. The middle of the scar was covered by the eye patch they wore over that eye. Whatever made that scar seemed to have take the eye with it.

I just stared at them and groaned. More crazy shit. This time an entire new location. My hallucinating seems to be getting worse and worse. Father only know what could be happening around me right now in reality and I would never know.

"I felt that too," they laughed slugging me in the arm. "Talking still feels awkward for me sometimes. It's so.... impersonal you know? Like before people had to get to know me and my mannerism to understand what I wanted and how to interact with me. Now I just fucking say it and it's done... never feel like I'm really connecting with anyone anymore. Its all so superficial."

I nodded. I'd be lying if I tried to express anything but agreement to those notions... such a Mask way of thinking, believing hat lack of proper communication brings us closer.

"Never felt more true than now though..." they said pulling out a picture of girl. "Can't be helped though... they always leave you... just like you did to me... just like I'll probably do to someone else."

I gave them a funny look. Just who was this person supposed to be?

"Don't recognize me huh? Figures. That was a pretty long time ago. I was so mad at you then... think I still am," they said letting the picture they were holding catch wind and fly off. "Got a lot to be mad about these days though. One thing tends to over shadow the other. And like I said... that was long time ago."

I sat there and watched them stretch a moment. Took in their posture. The way they leaned and breathed. The way they favored putting weight on their right over their left and incessantly tapped the tips of their fingers to their thumbs when they were thinking, one at a time and back and forth.

I knew who it was. My god they had gotten older. "Maggot?"

They laughed. "You got it stud. Good to see a decade hasn't made you any slower."

I shrugged. Even if this wasn't just a hallucination, no time had passed for me. It certainly hasn't been a decade since I last saw Maggot.

"I wish we had had more time you know?"

I nodded. I do still often find I miss my little side kick.

"You uh... turned out well."

They laughed. "Yeah, I'd want to fuck me too."

"Wh-No, that's not what-"

"Yes it is."

I just slumped and sat in silence for a moment grumbling. "Last priority."

"But still on the priority list?"

"Fuck you."

"See?!"

I groaned louder and shoved them.

"Real mature," they laughed. "You know I probably could have taken all the time we lost if it had been for something."

"Its for something really important," I said reassuringly.

"It was supposed to be," they said pointing out at the sunset as it finally disappeared behind the earth... just as soon as it did fires lit up across the city and screaming started echoing up from the streets. "But it made so little fucking difference."

"What... whats happening?"

"We didn't even realized the ritual had failed at first. Fracture had been so preoccupied with Cordelia's little Cabal he didn't notice you slip and get over taken."

"It failed?"

"He didn't see the darkness overcome you and rip away at the core of your being leaving behind nothing but a husk. He ignored your pain, screams, and suffering to play in his little pissing contest with the wicked bitch of the west. And when he could finally be bothered to offer you up to the Fire so that you could aid in the eternal battle against the darkness you weren't truly there anymore. The Darkness used you as a conduit to force itself into our world and then the Fire poured in after it. They never stopped fighting. Now both of them race to consume more of our world than the other."

"That can't be."

"Even the fears are gone now. Father is either dead or has abandoned us. At the end of the day... I guess even the fears are just fuel to be consumed by even bigger and hungrier monsters. Really puts in perspective how insignificant we really are... how little our sacrifices really mean."

"They aren't little, they mean everything even if they don't amount to anything."

Maggot got really angry at me with that. "If it all was going to amount to so little, wouldn't you have rather given all that you threw away into something you could have at least enjoyed. Wouldn't it have been better if you hadn't wasted your life destroying yourself and instead spent that time with the people who needed you?"

"Its not about the end result. It's about the intent behind the action. You of all people should be able to understand that."

Maggot just sighed and looked over me with an exhausted frown. "I just wish we had had more time."

"Just have to savor the memories."

"Can't anymore... just petty little reminders of what I've lost and can't have back."

"That's how you choose to see it."

"That's just how it is."

I sighed. It was hard to see them this way. Thankfully I didn't have to see them for much longer.

That's when the right half of Maggot's head blew off... it slowly slumped over and fell off the roof... splattering below. Gruesome...

I pulled out binoculars and looked around, trying to figure out where that came from, keeping low and moving as not to be next. I eventually spotted two familiar faces a few roofs over.

Fracture and snips waving at me. Fracture had a hand written sign he was holding over his head.

It read:
"Get back to work!"

And as soon as I put my binoculars down, I was at my desk sitting in front of my computer again.

It only really now occurs to me in hindsight just how ridiculous that whole... thing, was.

... These delusions are really starting to get to me... a little.

Gonna go shower it off.

Moth out.

Because

So... my shattering happened... kind of sucked a little harder than I thought it was gonna. Or... a lot harder maybe... it sucked. It sucked real hard.

It started off fine. A bunch of my fellow masks, peers I had worked with mainly, came in to participate. I'd name a few but they tend to get pissy for using their actual names. It makes them less faceless having a proper name.

Out of the non-mask friends, or at least out of the non-obscure and blog-less ones, attending were Ivan, Maggot, Nat, Sloth, Jack, Picasso, the Fire, Devil, and John. Most of those are Free Market home bodies though. They didn't exactly have to go out of there way to be here. Again... most of them. Picasso, Maggot, and Ivan were all kind enough to take a day or two off of very important assignments to come see me for this. Jack claims he abandoned something important to be here but that kid likes to lie through his teeth so... whatever.

Kind of wish Fracture could have been there but... well I guess he kind of was... We'll get to that.

So things started well. Everyone, who could, was talking and reminiscing. Reflecting on the days gone by that led us all here. Lamenting time spent apart. Being reminded of why we spent so much time apart from some of these people. Reunion stuff essential.

Right up until our late arrival made it, Ivan. He took off with Nat and we didn't see them again until well into the middle of the ceremony. And when they did arrive they look exhausted, sweaty, and frustrated... it was awkward.

Late or not, they both got to put their mark on my mask.

I should back track and explain, or maybe re-explain, that.

Essentially, all the Rite of Shattering ceremony is, is everyone gathering in one room and passing the decommissioned mask's mask [that is to say my mask] around. Everyone it goes to either cuts the mask or, if they disapprove of the ceremony or just don't like me, they can visibly abstain. Naturally, the more people there to cut at the mask, the easier the final step of shattering the mask against my face is so it pays to be on good terms with your fellow mask or to at least have a lot of friends willing to show up for this.

Most people cut into my mask... the rare exception being the ultra traditionalists among my mask buddy's who would probably refuse me the shattering rite outright if they could.

The mask passed to everyone at stopped at my Shatterer for this event, Maggot. Its mandatory that the shatterer be another mask. And it's traditional that that mask be something to the effect of a Mentor or a pupil. Duckies.... gone now. So that just left my old ward Maggot.

Picking a good shatterer is extra important. Usually the mask is far from ready to break by the time it gets to the shatterer and it's the shatterers job to make sure its cut, cracked, and damaged enough to brake when it hits your face... you know, assuming they like you. If you choose poorly, they can always abstain from damaging the mask themselves and bash the fuck out of your face until it breaks that way.

The mask reached Maggot and suddenly everything went black, save for a single light shining over Maggot. Which wasn't supposed to happen mind you. Maggot looked around confused when suddenly Duckie ran in out of nowhere and sucker punched Maggot in the face and out of the light, ripping my mask away in the process.

The Duckie turned to me with a wide crooked grin.

"Looks like someone thinks they get to stop being a Mask! Ha! What in the nine fucking hells make your stupid fucking ass think I would ever let this stupid fucking ritual go down? Being a mask in a life long Oath! Only way out of this is death. By everyone is already here so I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna shove this in your mouth so deep you'll gag, and then I'm gonna pull it down as hard as I can and we'll see if your jaw snaps off before the mask snaps in two! In fact, I'm feeling so merciful that if it snaps first, you get to live," he said grabbing me by the hair and pulling my head back forcibly, mask held up to my face ready to bash through my teeth if I didn't open up to let the mask in.

That's when there was a gun shot out of the blue. It blew Duckies jaw off, ironically enough, and he fell on the floor violent twitching and panicking. "Stay dead!" yelled Fracture as he stepped into the light and leveled his gun at Duckie, unloading his entire clip into him before grabbing Duckie by his left ankle. "Sorry about that. Carry on Maggot," he said dragging Duckie's bullet riddled corpse into the dark.

I blinked and everything was bright again.... for like 3 seconds before Maggot started bashing my face in with my own Mask. I blacked out after the 5th blow. I would find out the next day that that hadn't been an accident. Maggot didn't cut into my mask at all. I guess it disapproves... can't say I'm surprised... or disappointed... I kind of raised it to think like that... kind of a victory I guess.

Apparently, Picasso and Jack had to chase Maggot off of me to get it to stop. I woke up the next day curled into bed with Picasso. Everyone else had already left... save for maybe Jack and the home bodies.

I missed my chance to talk with... was kind of looking forward to that.

I got to make a lot of Noise with Picasso before she left though~

And I guess Maggot still remembers everything I taught it... silver linings.

Moth out.

Again

I was eating lunch this morning beside Devil and Nat. They've been getting along which is kind of horrifying...

When suddenly in comes a familiar face... or uh... mask I guess. I'd seen him in pictures. Heard him talked about in angry hushed tones. Sitting across from me at the table looking smug and glaring daggers was the one and only, the dawn light, Morningstar. I'd heard rumors that he was back again... but why the fuck was he here... and why the fuck was he just eating at our table.

'Could Sloth or Fracture have invited him in?' I asked myself.

I looked over at Nat. I know her old squad and his old squad had some history. But she hadn't even looked up. She was staring down at a magazine on the table half eating. I looked back at Star just in time to catch him pulling off his mask... and suddenly it wasn't a grown adult anymore...

Suddenly Star was a child. And as his face came into view, I realized Star is Jack.

"God damn is it hard to eat with that thing on!" he laughed before scarfing down an entire grill cheese sandwich in 3 bites. Little animals. "But hey, I probably shouldn't be eating with it on right? I mean bigger body can probably hold more food. Then if I took the mask off on a full stomach, my stomach would rip! God damn would that suck... holy shit. Hold on. Idea," he said his eyes lighting up. "We get a baby... we tie up the baby... we put the mask on the baby! Shredded baby! Holy shit magic is fun. I wonder if they'll let me perform at birthday parties!" he cackled hugging his mask.

"Its a shame people only really get to know me as star though. I guess thats the entire point though. Deflect blame and invoke the authority of the legend... I mean perks are perks but they'll never know it was me. Never scream when they see my face... I guess that's just the price you pay when you live a lie," Jack said looking at me with a wide cheshire grin as if to imply I myself was somehow living a lie.

Before I could bash his 'Magic Mask' against his smug fucking face an angry looking ginger little girl in a lab coat came over and yanked Jack out of his chair by his ear. Jack yelled and hollowed in pain.

"What the fuck are doing?" she demanded.

"E-Eating?!" he said as if he was asking a question.

"And just where is Maggot's head?" she demanded to know.

"Pr-Probably on it's fucking shoulders, I couldn't find them!" yelled Jack at her.

The little girl threw Jack against the wall and then grabbed his mask off the table and pelted him with it. "Get back to work! And don't you come back without that head or I'm taking yours," she hissed. Jack grumbled idle insults and donned his mask, turning back into a full grown Morningstar, before he disappeared into a path door.

"Sorry about that. He gets a little carried away pretending to be someone hes not. But hey, hes good at it. So whats the harm right? Makes him happy," said the little girl as she left. "And it gets the job done."

And then she to was gone... I looked at Devil and Nat again. They had not reacted to any of this.

'Did you guys just see Morningstar and a little ginger girl pass through?' I asked on a piece of paper.

The gave each other a concerned look and then turned to me again. Devil reached out toward my head, "Did you?" she asked sounding worried. I pushed back on my chair to move out of her reach.

"Are you seeing things again?" asked Nat.

I didn't answer... I just ran off. Hid in my room... I was afraid to say I was probably seeing things again....



                                            --------------------------------------------------------


Weird shit aside... I'd like to take a moment to invite anyone who can get into the Free Market's compound in the next day or two to come participate in my shattering rite. Like I mentioned last post, I'm taking my mask off for good in preparation for sacrificing myself at the upcoming Fire ritual... whenever that happens. No word from Fracture yet on when that's gonna hit.

But again, Shatter Rite. Vallus said shes gonna be here for it, Ivan said he'd drop in, and I'm sure Maggot will be there if only to growl, glare, and taunt me. So if you care... feel free to drop in I guess. There will be cake.

Moth out.